A Kid's Perspective
They don’t REALLY have it in for me…….. Do they?
When I send them in to clean their rooms are they having secret meetings instead? I bet they are well organized with elected officers. They probably have rules, regulations, and even a mission statement that they repeat at the start of every meeting. I bet they even have uniforms; probably dirty laundry from the hamper that they are supposed to be washing and folding.
I can just see it – pants on their heads, looking like Jar Jar Binks and big brother’s shirt tied around their necks like superhero capes. That would explain empty hampers but no clean clothes. Secret meetings would also explain how they can spend so much time in there and seem to accomplish nothing!
There must be some rhyme or reason to the messes. What if they have a secret box (it likely has crayon, stickers, and something gooey all over it) that is protected by vicious dust bunnies. What if this box contains some sort of “kid perspective glasses” (kid perspectacles) that if worn by a parent would reveal the reasoning behind their apparent messes. Every time I open the door the mess is the same but the Super Jar Jar uniform is only visible through the kid perspectacles.
One has to stop and ask what would be the downside of letting a parent in on their little secret? If we understood we could all get along happily. Dad would be Captain Compassionate and Mom would be Princess Patience. We would all go skipping through a field of wild flowers laughing, and singing, and holding hands.
I bet if a parent does get a hold of these kid perspectacles and wears them for a total of 24 hours they will turn into kids themselves! See! They don’t really have it in for me…….. They are just trying to protect me.
Sigh. Sweet kids.
Hmmm. I wonder if the kid perspectacles are futuristic and when you put them on you can see not only the mess but also an explanation for the mess; like spy kid glasses. The parental eye sees the floor she cleaned just before the kids got home from school, with three piles of school papers, empty back packs, shoes, jackets, and lunch boxes. But with the aid of the kid perspectacles Mom would discover that the floor is actually labeled with specific spots for each person’s things. Michael’s paper goes here so she can read it when SHE wants to. Oh! How thoughtful of my time!
I bet if you looked at the bookshelf with the kid perspectacles on you would discover that while certain books belong on the shelf, others are labeled to be on the floor. They aren’t really walking by a shelf and randomly knocking books on the floor. They are trying to right a wrong here people! But why?
What is all the random screaming about? Why is it coming from the fifteen year old? He must be battling those vicious dust bunnies. But when I open the door and ask what is going on in there I can’t see anything but the same old mess.
Why do they have to take the batteries out of the remote? Will it over charge? Will it explode? Are the batteries neutralized at low altitudes (on the floor)? Why do they have to tuck the remote in the couch after they have removed the batteries? Would it attract the batteries to it like a giant magnet if the remote were back in its proper place?
What is the deal with boys dirty socks tucked all over the living room? They are always wadded in balls and super stinky. Only the boys do it. Does the odor protect adults from some unseen creature? Is it the vicious dust bunnies? The boy’s room is pretty stinky too. Maybe the dust bunnies are actually ON OUR SIDE! Maybe they need the boy stench to survive and the kids are stashing their dirty socks in the living room so we can be protected by the dust bunnies in there too.
If the dust bunnies are on our side then they need to eat right? Is that why the kids absolutely cannot keep their food in the kitchen? If they walk about the house “innocently” dropping crumbs as they munch then the dust bunnies get dinner too. It is all making more sense now. The level of hard work and compassion my kids show just to maintain the home is astounding!
But then, what unseen vicious monsters ARE the boys screaming about in there?
I need to find those kid perspectacles. Do they HAVE to keep their rooms messy so I can’t find them? What happens to them when the last kid leaves on her mission and grows up? Do the dust bunnies continue to protect the parents when all the kids are gone? Will I be able to see them when the dementia sets in?